Archive for October, 2010

Barack Obama vs. Captain Planet

In the blue corner:

Barack Obama

Speed: 6
Dexterity: 7
Pedantic Prowess: 9
Hipster Factor: 10
Superpower: ???????

 

And in the other blue corner:

Captain Planet

Speed: 9
Dexterity: 9
Pedantic Prowess: 5
Hipster Factor: 8
Superpower: ???????

That’s right: they actually do have a whole lot in common.

Both of them are superheroes, but no one seems to be able to tell me what their superpowers actually are.
Captain Planet is the first superhero to sport a green mullet. Barack Obama is the first person to get the Nobel Peace Prize for not being George W. Bush.
Captain Planet is going to save the world from pollution. Barack Obama is going to save the world from prosperity.

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Care Bears vs. Thundercats

In the blue corner:

The Care Bears

Speed: 3
Strength: 2
Cuteness: 9
Smugness: 10
Predictability: 10
Punctuality: 9
Special abilities: Inexhaustible emotion-altering manipulation rays of fluffy mental death.

And in the red corner:

The Thundercats

Speed: 8
Strength: 7
Cuteness: 4
Smugness: 9
Predictability:  10
Punctuality: 2
Special abilities: Hand-to-hand combat, the Thundertank, and a jazz choir that is very good at repeating their team name at climactic moments.

In the first-ever Daily Duel, we see two furry giants of the 1980’s cartoon scene pitted against each other in mortal combat. Some may say that a closer match would be the Care Bears vs. the robot-teddy-bears-from-Thundercats-whose-name-nobody-remembers, but I think that the Thundercats can hold their own against the Great Fluffy Menace if they get in close quickly and take the fight to the ground.

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